Comcast Cable has the worst customer service for Internet
subscribers and the second worst customer service for cable TV viewers. Not
content to be No. 2 in lousy customer treatment, Comcast is trying hard to be
Number One when it comes to being, as spoofed in this NSFW video , the company whose customer service motto is “We Don’t Give a
F—k”. In 2013, the American Customer Satisfaction Index (ACSI)
surveyed 70,000 customers to come to that conclusion. Comcast is also No. 2 on MSN Money’s “Customer Service Hall of Shame."
It took me only one experience. I’m going to tell you about
my experience with Comcast because right now Comcast is seeking legal
permission to merge with Time Warner Cable. Trust me, your cable customer
service experience will not improve if the merger is allowed to create a
monopolistic entity.
For months now, whenever I come home and turn on TV, the
cable signal is frozen on whatever the last channel previously viewed was. I
must then call Comcast, push all the right automated response buttons, and finally agree with the pre-recorded voice
to receive a “refresh signal”. This resets my cable converter and unfreezes my
channels… after a 30-minute wait. So, after the TV show I wished to see has
ended, I’m now free to tune in to that channel.
I finally talked to a live Comcast representative – in the
Philippines, of course, because with U.S. unemployment rampant, Comcast would
rather pay wages to overseas workers. Comcast could afford to pay its CEO Brian
L. Roberts $29.1 million last year, according the company’s 2013 proxy
statement, but it is more frugal with its pay when it comes to hiring customer
service reps, preferring to outsource those jobs.
“Jackie”, my Filipino liaison with Comcast, promised to send
a new cable box to resolve the problem on Feb. 22. I read her the model number.
“It’s a RNG150N.” Of course, when the converter arrived on Feb. 28 and bore no
resemblance to my current cable box, I checked the model number and found
Comcast had sent me a RNG100. I called Comcast and reached “Kellie” in the
Philippines. Before she would assist me, she insisted on learning my name,
phone number, address, and Social Security number. I told her I don’t give out
my Social Security number to anyone, especially not to strangers in other
countries speaking over my cell phone, but that I could give her my Comcast
account number. That was when “Kellie” hung up on me.
My next phone call to Comcast was to complain about a
Comcast representative hanging up on a Comcast customer of more than 25 years
standing. Business Rule No. 1: When a customer has given you money every month
for more than a quarter of a century, do not hang up on him. Especially not if
he is a writer with a syndicated worldwide audience. Or to paraphrase Matt
Smith in this Doctor Who clip :
“Oh, big, big mistake, really huge. Didn't anyone ever tell
you there's one thing you never do, if you're smart, if you value your
continued existence, if you have any plans about seeing tomorrow, there's one
person you never, ever hang up on: me.”
I called Comcast back and spoke to “Eva”. Funny how everyone
at Comcast has a Filipino accent attached to an Anglicized name. I suppose that
is to distract our attention from the fact our phone calls are being routed
overseas to cheap foreign labor by U.S. corporation Comcast while U.S. citizens
go jobless. I ponder whether we could outsource Comcast CEO Brian L. Roberts’
job to the Philippines, too, and use his $29.1 million compensation package to
hire American workers, while I wait on terminal hold. “Eva” promises to send
the correct model converter box.
On March 7, the new box arrived. It was a Model RNG150. Not
an RNG150N. That might explain why I could not access Infinity on Demand, HBO
on Demand, and the picture was not in High Definition and did not fit the
screen. I stared at the growing stack of cable converter boxes, now numbering
three, waiting to be shipped back to Comcast. It was like an episode of a bad
TV sitcom… and also as close as I would get to one until my cable service was
restored.
I called Comcast again, this time speaking to “Hadley”. Or
“Hadleigh”. I’m not sure how she spelled it, not that it matters, since I doubt
that was her true name at the Comcast call center in the Philippines, where
Comcast does not have to pay employee benefits. “Hadleigh” said she would
“escalate” the issue (tech speak for “I realize we’ve been pissing you off
incessantly, this should placate you until the next round”). She set up an
appointment for a Comcast service technician to arrive at my home between 8
a.m. and 10 a.m. on Saturday morning… because, let’s face it, what better to do
at eight o’clock on a Saturday morning than wait for a Comcast repairman?
At 10:15 on Saturday morning, March 8, after waiting in vain
for more than two hours, I called Comcast to find out where the promised repairman
was. Since Comcast didn’t have the courtesy to phone and say he was running
late, I asked. “When might I expect him?” John answered my call. He sounded
American, and must have been, because he was far ruder than any of Comcast’s
outsourced Filipinos. He told me my appointment had been rescheduled to March
17th. It would have been nice if someone at Comcast had told me that
before I wasted my Saturday morning waiting in vain. No one likes being stood
up. Of course, one would also think Comcast would ask me if I was available on the
new, rescheduled date that was more than a week later… unless they weren't
planning to show up then, either.
I asked to speak to a supervisor. John continued reading
from his script. I interrupted and demanded to speak to a supervisor. John
ignored me and continued to parrot the stock phrases from his Comcast Level I
Tech script. I repeated my demand to speak to a supervisor, 12 more times… and
each time John ignored me and droned on from his script. Finally, I said
something John couldn’t ignore… I am a creative writer, after all. I won’t
repeat it here, but trust me, the graphic imagery was so vivid that John will
have nightmares and wet his bed until he’s forty trying to forget the image I
instilled into the vapid wasteland that passes for his mind. And then, I hung
up.
My neighbor suggested I contact Comcast’s billing department
and seek some redress by way of a credit on the next month’s bill. On March 13,
I spoke to Francis in Comcast’s billing department and explained my customer
experience and still unresolved problem, including the fact that I now had
three incorrect cable boxes piled up on my kitchen table. I did not think there
was anything Comcast could do at this point that would surprise me. Francis’ reply left me flabbergasted.
“There’s no way to assure a customer will get the correct
model unless he goes to local store. We just write up the orders and some else
fills them. But your local store keeps all the models in the back room.”
“Excuse me?” I shook my head. “Let me repeat that, so I can
be sure I understood what you said. You’re telling me that Comcast can’t be
responsible for sending the correct unit to its customers and if the customer
wants the right box, he has to take time off work and drive to the Comcast
office during business hours?”
“Yes sir. Is there anything else I can help you with? At
Comcast, we’re here to serve you.”
“That’s the problem,” I replied. “You’re there, while I’ve
been waiting here for Comcast to show up.” I asked about receiving a credit,
but Francis said, “Comcast doesn’t give credit for "inconvenience"
only for weather-related outages.” I would have classified my ongoing
experience as far more than an inconvenience. But perhaps she was referring to
me; maybe customers are inconveniences to Comcast.
Your cable TV service is about to get worse. But there’s
still time to stop the Comcast- Time Warner merger. Sign the petition at
WhiteHouse.gov.
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