Thursday, June 15, 2017

An Apology to Donald Trump

After careful reflection and due consideration, I’ve concluded I owe President Donald J. Trump an apology. I admit, I was peeved when I learned of all the prominent writers, journalists, and civil libertarians who have recently been banned from President Trump’s personal Twitter feed. And, I must also confess I was jealous, and deeply hurt, as a writer who so often addresses political and social commentary, that I had not been banned too. I thought perhaps it had been an oversight, so I devoted more energy and column inches to writing about Trump and his ties to Russia; and the unqualified and dangerous people he has hired to staff his administration; and the outrageous lies he continues to tell daily, and downright pathologically; and the harmful effects his policies and actions will have on average Americans (or at least those with a net worth of less than $9 billion). But despite my commentary on my syndicated blog, and on Facebook and other social media, and in diatribes at Duffy’s Tavern during Happy Hour (which has admittedly lasted only 30 minutes or less since January 20), I have not received the Holy Grail of my peers: official notification of being banned from the Donald J. Trump Twitter feed.

Tonight though, my hopes were buoyed as I discovered what I believed to be the problem: apparently, I had never bothered to follow the Donald J. Trump Twitter feed. I mean, why would I have? If I wanted a daily stream of lies and “alternative facts” on my newsfeed, I would subscribe to David Leisure so I could relive his delightful mendacities embellished in his Joe Isuzu alter ego. Little did I realize that was the price I would have to pay to earn my official banishment from Trumplandia. It was turning out that one little screenshot stating “You’ve Been Banned” was harder to obtain than a diploma from Trump University.

I picked the perfect day to follow the Donald J. Trump Twitter feed. Our fearless leader, at least according to Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale, is celebrating his 71st birthday. I knew my first post on his feed would have to be to wish him a happy birthday. So I wrote “Happy Birthday, Donald!” and included a picture I had taken at one of his rallies (a lesser writer might point out that my article on the Trump rally I attended, along with this photo and many others, appears in my book More Essays of a Reluctant Blogger, but I’m certainly not going to do that, because that would be a tacky way to plug a book. Besides, you can buy the book from Amazon simply by clicking the link below… No, not there; move your cursor a bit to the right).

So I sent the tweet, as you can see below if you’re reading this on my website; or, if you’re reading this on one of the syndicated feeds, here’s a link:

Immediately after tweeting, I realized I owed President Donald J. Trump an apology. It was definitely improper and impolite of me to address the president of the United States by his first name. This is a terrible breach of etiquette and protocol, so now I’ll have to retweet my birthday greeting with that correction, as I await the elusive Holy Grail of the Twitterverse. 

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