Sunday, November 27, 2011

It's Sunday...Do You Know Where Your Newspaper Is?

"Shhh!"  I'm about to reveal a little known tidbit about myself: my secret avocation as a practical joker. When the local newspaper interviewed me after my book Randoms had been named a finalist for the NIE award, I rushed out and bought a dozen copies of the paper to clip the article and mail to friends. (I know, it's a sad commentary I have only a dozen friends, or at least a dozen who can read). After retiring my scissors, I was left with 12 thick copies of the Sunday edition. Being a nice guy, I left one on my neighbor's doormat. She took it inside. This seemed an efficient way to get rid of the excess newspapers, so I left another on her doormat. She took it in. Later, she went out to the store; another Sunday edition was waiting when she returned.

For the next three days, whenever I saw she had taken in the newspaper, I left a replacement on her mat. She couldn't imagine where all these newspapers were coming from. When I had run out of all dozen editions, we happened to meet outside and we chatted, as neighbors do.

"I"m so mad," I said. "I'm canceling my newspaper subscription! I'm paying for home delivery but it never arrives! I must have called the newspaper a dozen times. Those liars swear they keep delivering it and that one of my neighbors must be stealing it. Have you ever heard anything so ridiculous? What kind of lowlife neighbor would steal someone's newspaper off his doorstep?"

She turned red as a beet and slunk away, trying to figure out how to dispose of the evidence without me noticing a dozen Sunday editions in her trash.

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